ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* Angel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brokencode) wrote2016-08-22 05:17 am
brokencode) wrote2016-08-22 05:17 am
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IC Inbox [VR]
You're so idealistic!
[Manaka giggles, as though Angel had said something cute.]
That's one way we're different. But I guess things were different for you, weren't they?
I was never a child. I'm the daughter of magi, born to a bloodline of magic. From my first breath, I was a tool, meant to carry on the ambitions and lineage of my parents.
[There isn't a drop of resentment behind her words. She relates the information as what it is: a simple fact.]
[Manaka giggles, as though Angel had said something cute.]
That's one way we're different. But I guess things were different for you, weren't they?
I was never a child. I'm the daughter of magi, born to a bloodline of magic. From my first breath, I was a tool, meant to carry on the ambitions and lineage of my parents.
[There isn't a drop of resentment behind her words. She relates the information as what it is: a simple fact.]
[Angel frowned, unsure if she was supposed to be offended or not.]
Never a child? What do you mean? [For the life of her, she couldn't figure out if it was meant to be a literal or metaphorical statement. If it were the former, she had a handful of questions for the girl.]
It's... you don't ever long for what you could have had? Ever?
Never a child? What do you mean? [For the life of her, she couldn't figure out if it was meant to be a literal or metaphorical statement. If it were the former, she had a handful of questions for the girl.]
It's... you don't ever long for what you could have had? Ever?
Exactly what I said. You were allowed to be a normal girl for a time, weren't you? That was never the case for me.
Why? Arguing against the truth of the world won't change it.
Why? Arguing against the truth of the world won't change it.
I really am, Angel. I know I've got a temper, I know I can kinda fly off the handle sometimes, but I'm trying. But you gotta recognize when I'm trying in my way, too. Like when I send you things and don't make a big deal out of it. That's me trying, baby.
You're...damn it, you're all I've got left. You're my daughter. You're the best damn thing I ever did. And I know you don't remember when it was good, but I do. And it...it was so good, sweetheart. Before it all got screwed up, it was so good.
I just want that back.
You're...damn it, you're all I've got left. You're my daughter. You're the best damn thing I ever did. And I know you don't remember when it was good, but I do. And it...it was so good, sweetheart. Before it all got screwed up, it was so good.
I just want that back.
This is... an odd topic to bring up with a new friend, isn't it? Unfortunately I'm afraid most of my history and experiences come from rather odd places.
It still hurts to have missed out on something so important. It is... impossible for me to imagine not being resentful for what I lost.
[Angel paused, brows drawing tightly together as she tapered off.]
Let me ask this again, then. What do you believe I should do about Jack?
[Angel paused, brows drawing tightly together as she tapered off.]
Let me ask this again, then. What do you believe I should do about Jack?
you dont ever have to worry about that with me
universal frogs remember
if you ever end up dropping something weird or heavy or whatever you can pretty much assume that ive been there or been somewhere close
...except high school
ive never been to high school
i hear its weird
universal frogs remember
if you ever end up dropping something weird or heavy or whatever you can pretty much assume that ive been there or been somewhere close
...except high school
ive never been to high school
i hear its weird
Well. In that case... you are a good friend. Or at least a weird one. Which is an accurate descriptor of most of my good friends so the original point stands.
... I do not think I've been to school ever. High school included.
... I do not think I've been to school ever. High school included.
I know.
Everything that happened back then was my fault. If it hadn't... if I could have controlled myself. Mom could be here. You wouldn't have had to do so many awful things.
We would still be a family if not for me.
Everything that happened back then was my fault. If it hadn't... if I could have controlled myself. Mom could be here. You wouldn't have had to do so many awful things.
We would still be a family if not for me.
Oh, hey, Angel, no. That wasn't your fault. It was...it was a shitty, shitty thing that happened. Nobody knew what you could do, how the hell could you have controlled it? You didn't even know what it was.
What happened to your mother...it was an accident. I've been over it in my head a million times, there's nothing that anybody could've done different.
What happened to your mother...it was an accident. I've been over it in my head a million times, there's nothing that anybody could've done different.
Those experiences only have the importance that you give them.
[And for Manaka, that's very little.
When Angel asks that question, though, she lets that thread of conversation drop in favor of pursuing the new one. Isn't that the whole point of this exercise, after all?]
Do you really want to leave things they way they are now? If this world has given you two a second chance, I think you should take it!
[And for Manaka, that's very little.
When Angel asks that question, though, she lets that thread of conversation drop in favor of pursuing the new one. Isn't that the whole point of this exercise, after all?]
Do you really want to leave things they way they are now? If this world has given you two a second chance, I think you should take it!
[Angel swallowed. On the one hand, she ached for a normal childhood, complete with a normal father on top of it all. But on the other, perhaps it really was her own doing. Had she ever really needed such things?]
[Besides, wrong as she might have been about Jack, Manaka didn't seem the type of person to lead her astray. And if they had been in similar situations, then the girl had to know what she was talking about.]
[On all fronts.]
I'll... I'll try talking to him, then.
Thank you, Manaka.
[Besides, wrong as she might have been about Jack, Manaka didn't seem the type of person to lead her astray. And if they had been in similar situations, then the girl had to know what she was talking about.]
[On all fronts.]
I'll... I'll try talking to him, then.
Thank you, Manaka.
I'm still sorry it happened, Dad. I'm sorry all of it happened.
[Jack sighs.]
Yeah, me too.
And uh...I'm sorry I don't ever talk about your mom. That's got nothing to do with you, I just don't. It's...it's just easier for me, that way. And I'm sorry there's nothing left, nothing I could like give you or pass on to you that was hers or anything. I know I've probably let it go to where you don't even have any good memories or nice things to think about when it comes to her. And that...that sucks. I've got that and it sucks.
[Somewhere, at some point, this has turned into an actual conversation.]
Yeah, me too.
And uh...I'm sorry I don't ever talk about your mom. That's got nothing to do with you, I just don't. It's...it's just easier for me, that way. And I'm sorry there's nothing left, nothing I could like give you or pass on to you that was hers or anything. I know I've probably let it go to where you don't even have any good memories or nice things to think about when it comes to her. And that...that sucks. I've got that and it sucks.
[Somewhere, at some point, this has turned into an actual conversation.]
Sometimes I remember. There are bits and pieces that make it through -- [Again, she had to bite her tongue. The trauma of what happened that day was bad enough, but so too was everything that followed. It had resulted in an almost impermeable wall in her brain.]
What was she like?
What was she like?
Uh...she was good. I know that sounds really vague and like not an actual answer, but I dunno how else to put it. She...she was just so optimistic and believed the best of everybody and put up with so much with just...this kind of grace and...she always believed in me.
[Jack's voice is thick and muddled. He doesn't really like talking about his first wife. Mostly because it still hurts so damn much that she's gone. And he gets...vulnerable in that way he doesn't like people knowing he can. But...well, if anybody should hear it, it's Angel. And he's drunk enough and feeling vaguely guilty enough to manage it.]
You uh, you look just like her, you know. Same eyes, same coloring, same kinda face. She had the blackest, curliest hair I've ever seen. Wore it real long, too.
[Jack's voice is thick and muddled. He doesn't really like talking about his first wife. Mostly because it still hurts so damn much that she's gone. And he gets...vulnerable in that way he doesn't like people knowing he can. But...well, if anybody should hear it, it's Angel. And he's drunk enough and feeling vaguely guilty enough to manage it.]
You uh, you look just like her, you know. Same eyes, same coloring, same kinda face. She had the blackest, curliest hair I've ever seen. Wore it real long, too.
[Angel's fingers toyed with her own curls. She'd thought about cutting it down further, evening it out, but the thought of matching her mother was an enticing one. At the very least, her locks provided a welcome distraction, drawing her focus away from thoughts that were threatening to circle around Jack's voice.]
[This was a side of her she saw so rarely, and usually it only ever came in the context of his manipulations. This was different. Worrisome, but not in the usual ways.]
[She was worried for her father, of all things.]
I'm sorry I took her away...
[This was a side of her she saw so rarely, and usually it only ever came in the context of his manipulations. This was different. Worrisome, but not in the usual ways.]
[She was worried for her father, of all things.]
I'm sorry I took her away...
No, Angel, you gotta stop looking at it like that. Yeah, you were a part of it. Obviously I can't say you weren't. But you were just... it's like if I take a crystal and use it for a lens to focus a laser through. The crystal's just the thing in the middle, and it's not like it had any say in it. That's you. Except with even less blame, 'cause at least in the analogy there, everybody knows what the lens is gonna do.
Nobody knew what you could do. Nobody 'took' your mom away, we just...lost her.
And I don't wanna lose you, too. I already did, and that...jesus dickballs, that was it, sweetheart. I was really ready to just burn all of Pandora to the ground, I really was. I just didn't give a shit anymore.
But uh...ya know. I did realize some stuff, then. I shoulda done more. For you, I mean.
[There probably were ways he could have eased the experience of being hidden away more than what he'd done. He could have spent more time with her. Talked to her about her mother. A pet, something.]
Nobody knew what you could do. Nobody 'took' your mom away, we just...lost her.
And I don't wanna lose you, too. I already did, and that...jesus dickballs, that was it, sweetheart. I was really ready to just burn all of Pandora to the ground, I really was. I just didn't give a shit anymore.
But uh...ya know. I did realize some stuff, then. I shoulda done more. For you, I mean.
[There probably were ways he could have eased the experience of being hidden away more than what he'd done. He could have spent more time with her. Talked to her about her mother. A pet, something.]
Public school sounds awful.
Granted being homeschooled by my father probably wasn't much better but... still.
Granted being homeschooled by my father probably wasn't much better but... still.
[She opened her mouth, ready to point out that he was ready to raze Pandora anyways, but closed it again. Once again, she had to remind herself that they were making progress, no matter how much Jack stretched the truth.]
I already said, you are not losing me right now.
I already said, you are not losing me right now.
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